When you’re growing into what you want for your life, you’re simultaneously growing in personal power. This spherical upgrade is likely to induce a desire to retreat into dis-serving comfort zones and familiar patterns. These patterns may even be ones that you thought you were done with, so they may catch you by surprise.
Sometimes the desire to retreat feels more like a panicked recoiling.
These spaces of the familiar, the ways of being you know are not helpful, supportive or of benefit to your life, feel cozy and dependable because you know how they roll. The temptation to retreat back into the familiar for awhile, or to give up and return to them entirely, can feel all consuming.
The questions to ask yourself in these moments is:
- What would feel most powerful?
- Does going along with what you’ve done in the past feel most powerful?
- Or does being open to growth and learning new ways feel most powerful?
- Notice I asked ‘what would feel most powerful?’ and not ‘what would be easiest?”
Because the most powerful choice can leave you feeling shaken, uncomfortable, vulnerable, heart-broken and exhausted, and these are not easeful sensations.
Which is a reason why the most powerful choice is often avoided for as long as possible.
Initially, changing patterns and growing personal power requires a series of conscious, methodical choices and actions, aligned with what you’re wanting, until your new skill becomes an embodied one, which reflects your sense of value and worth.
Along the way, you may even flip back and forth between the old ways and the new ways, behaviourally and perceptually, and this is totally normal.
Keep going though, keep choosing in alignment with your growth. This is important.
Flip long enough and eventually you’ll land on the side you’ve been desiring. Where you’ll find your ease, and relief.
Understanding how the old pattern has provided for you, and how you’ve benefited from that pattern will help you understand how to choose more powerfully for yourself too.
It is an opportunity to reconcile with, and release, the old ways with a sense of reverence and grace.
Here’s a Personal Example to Illustrate What I Mean.
For years I attracted unsustainable relationships (intimate relationships and friendships) with people who valued my discernment, aliveness, how I heard and saw them in a very different way to what they were used to, and how I helped them feel grounded.
This fed the way they needed to feel, and in turn they saw me as special. Which is what I craved the most: to be seen as special and of value, and if they saw me that way, they’d save me (in the case of intimate relationships) and finally I’d be safe.
Over time, these relationships became unsustainable and disempowering, because the foundation of the relationship was infused with needing one another, rather than simply desiring to be together.
And when your power source is based outside of yourself, you become stuck in a reactive pattern which is emotionally exhausting and destroying.
One of the most difficult things I had to come to terms with was knowing early on, that each of my intimate relationships were not right for me, though staying silent about it anyway.
I would shape myself to suit the relationship because my need to be recognised as special, and to be saved, was greater than my devotion to my heart.
This kind of heart-betrayal takes courage and time to heal.
In the end, what I needed to heal was my need to be seen as special and of value. Which sent me down the path of developing my own appreciation of the extraordinary depth of my value, and eventually how others saw me became entirely irrelevant.
Eventually, I had to change course and ask myself what would feel most powerful? and then follow through on what I knew was the most powerful choice.
Now that I’ve recognised and claimed my own value and worth for myself, how I show up in the world comes from a pure source of power, rather than from a craving of external validation and hope to be saved.
Unraveling this story did not happen in a single moment.
First I had to be aware.
Then I had to be ready to let it go, which took awhile because it was too infused into my identity and I felt safer with it than without it.
Finally, I summoned up the courage to follow through on what felt most powerful for me – most of the time.
Along the way I leaned into my support system, which is comprised of a core mentor/healer and my chosen family, who witnessed my unravelling, though thankfully did not jump in to save me.
For You. The Practice.
When there is a choice-point, ask:
- What feels most powerful?
And continue to sway your choices towards what feels most powerful.
For when you’ve identified a core pattern that requires healing, ask:
- How has this pattern served/been of benefit to me?
- How is it now dis-serving/holding me back?
- Am I willing to let this pattern go?
You may find that you’re not quite ready to let the pattern go. Take your time. Continue with self-enquiry and you’ll know when you’re ready to move beyond it.
If you are ready, here’s a simple practice to release the hold of the old pattern.
Place your left palm over your heart space at the centre of your chest
Place your right palm beneath your navel, over your Sacral Chakra.
Then say aloud, or to yourself (what feels most powerful?):
“I (insert your full name), by my awakening and transformation, release the pattern of (insert the pattern you’re releasing) from every cell of my being.
I allow the energy of this pattern to transform into golden liquid light, and call in blessings of personal-power and unconditional self-love.”
Take your time as you speak these words.
Allow your body to breathe and release organically.
Notice any emotions that come up without judgement, and without need to intellectualise or understand the experience.
Do your best.
Article by Melissa Farrugia – Holistic Kinesiologist, writer, and teacher at Soul Wellness
Melissa Farrugia is the creator of Soul Wellness and a passionate holistic kinesiologist, writer and teacher based in Elwood, Melbourne, and globally via Skype. Combining her formal training with a keen sense of intuition and life experience, Mel supports self-responsible souls who are at a growth point in their life, desiring to shift from feeling mentally, emotionally and creatively stuck, to feeling deeply connected and alive in the life they’re living.